"Survivor" comments

A woman with the handle "survivor" posted a comment with my December article about the murder of Rebbecca Ann Wilson; I think when a person is brave enough to tell their story, even in this anonymous forum, it's worth bringing to the front of the pack. Survivor wrote:

I never knew her rebecca either but unfortunatley, I knew del ray. about 10 years ago we were a couple for a little over a year. at first he was seemed to be a nice person we had known eachother for a long time. after a few months of dating it was like jekyl and hyde. but i thought i was in love and he was the one (i was young and stupid) i took out a restraining order on him after he beat me and tried to break into my house. he then followed me around for months going to my place of work, school and home and calling all the time and threatening me in ways i dont want to describe. i was in great fear for my life at this time. the system does not take responsiblility for crimes like this. no matter what we try to do to protect ourselves we never really feel safe. i have been watching my back b/c him for years (he didnt stop callig and following me til around 2000 or 2001)and when this terrible tragedy occured my heart broke for this girl and her family. i cant help but wonder if the cops and the judge i spoke to and his probation officer too about what a danger to society he really is (back in 1997-98) if this could have been prevented of they had just locked him up and threw away the key. they should have kept him locked up for violating the order so many time that may have saved this womans life. i wish they would wake up and pay attention to domestic violence! now that he may face execution, i feel that justice, for once, is finally being served. this happens too often to too many innocent women and it needs to stop! god bless rebecca and her children and family. i hope she can rest peacefully knowing that he wont harm any other women or the children involved. but i hope he gets the worst punishment possible for what he did. he is not a sane individual and hasnt been for many years. though i do feel sorry for his parents to a certain degree, they should have got him the help he needed a long time ago. just my opinion. i speak from personal experience (unfortunatley)

Firstly, I'd like to congratulate her for taking the handle "survivor." I think there are plenty of true victims in the world but I also think there are tons of people who choose to be victims because it is easier than the very hard work of healing and because "victim" brings its own twisted kind of attention. But even the act of thinking of oneself as a survivor is a powerful and bold move.

I'd also like to point out that Survivor's story is unfortunately common: the sweet guy turns into a monster then becomes even more erratic and violent once the abusee leaves. In my case, he started by dramatically trying to kill himself in front of me so I had to rush him to the hospital, then he gave me a black eye, then he broke into my house to kill me. The entire time this was going on, he was calling in and checking my phone messages to monitor my life.

The N&R reports that there were 79 domestic violence-related homicide in NC last year. The only good news, the sole silver lining, is that the horrible, preventable deaths have brought the topic to the foreground again and it is from there that we can work toward a solution.

I invite all survivors to tell their story, here, to your friends and coworkers, or anywhere you find a forum: there is power in telling it - power in aiding your own healing and power in keeping the topic in the spotlight in the hopes that someday, there will be no violence left to talk about.