The joy of listening

The #1 most important thing I learned from owning my first business, Dining with Ease, is that relationships really matter. So often, though, the kind of relationship building that happens in business situations is superficial, with participants listening less to the words of others and more for the gap in conversation in which to insert their elevator pitch.

In the past month or two, as I have been developing relationships with those who are involved in running, and those who contribute to, Shalom Greensboro, I've been reminded of what relationship building can be, which is a window into all that is fascinating about any given person.

The thing is that most people don't think they're fascinating. I sat across from a man, whose family name is plastered all over this town, who claimed to have no answer to the question of what makes him interesting. Forget about his charm, the path that led him away from and back to Greensboro and the quirky things he does to show his employees he values them.

But even people like him generally just need a few directive questions: What were you doing before your current employment? What have you read recently that you liked? What are your hobbies? How did you meet your spouse?

People need an invitation, not the third degree, to open up a little. Of course, the business benefits are plentiful, starting with an increased likelihood that the person will want to do business with you and/or refer you to others. But the part that people are missing while listening for their chance to pitch is that most people truly are fascinating.

As I reacquaint myself with the Jewish community and those that support it, I have heard stories of mob bosses (literally) in NYC, extraordinary kids, wild career paths and amazing expertise in areas as wide flung as blocking fur coats and improving the world through charitable kindness.

Ultimately, most people love to talk about themselves, making listening all the more fun.