Writing pain

One of the questions I did answer while chatting with an amazing high school creative writing class (see parts 1 and 2 of the questions I didn't get to) had to do with whether I think it's okay to write about things that might be painful for others to read. I'd be curious to know what the student had in mind when posing this question - I certainly hope to not produce work that's so painfully bad, it's agony to be read, so I opted for a more topical interpretation of the question: it is okay to write about topics that are uncomfortable for the reader to consider?

We're taught from an early age to give a polite "fine" in response to inquiries about our state of being, and from there we spend our lives considering whether any conversation should include anything more substantive, particularly if it's negative, than that "fine." And then something derails our lives - abuse, the death of a loved one, mental illness, you fill in the blank - and we feel as though we are locked in a vacuum because no one's talking about how the same thing happened to them, how they experienced the same emotions.

Besides, who are we without our pain? Just as our joys and successes factor into who we are as whole people, so too do our disappointments and traumas... Could you fully describe yourself using only the happy moments in your life?

Kevin Powell (who people my age likely remember well from the first season of the reality show that set off the reality trend, The Real World) demonstrates this well in his poem Son2Mother. This is a short excerpt - I encourage you to read the whole poem here.

Mother, have I told you
That you are the first woman
I ever fell in love with, that what
I've always wanted in life is to hear
You say you love me, too?
That is why, ma, it has taken
Me so long to write this poem.
For how could I, a
Grown man, put words to paper
If I am that little boy
Cowering beneath the power of
That slap, the swing of that belt,
Or the slash and burn of that switch
You used to beat me into fear and submission?

Continue reading Son2Mother here.

The polite "fine" has its place at dinner parties and business meetings, but we do ourselves, and each other, a disservice when we hide behind it our whole lives.