Writing pain

One of the questions I did answer while chatting with an amazing high school creative writing class (see parts 1 and 2 of the questions I didn't get to) had to do with whether I think it's okay to write about things that might be painful for others to read. I'd be curious to know what the student had in mind when posing this question - I certainly hope to not produce work that's so painfully bad, it's agony to be read, so I opted for a more topical interpretation of the question: it is okay to write about topics that are uncomfortable for the reader to consider?

We're taught from an early age to give a polite "fine" in response to inquiries about our state of being, and from there we spend our lives considering whether any conversation should include anything more substantive, particularly if it's negative, than that "fine." And then something derails our lives - abuse, the death of a loved one, mental illness, you fill in the blank - and we feel as though we are locked in a vacuum because no one's talking about how the same thing happened to them, how they experienced the same emotions.

Besides, who are we without our pain? Just as our joys and successes factor into who we are as whole people, so too do our disappointments and traumas... Could you fully describe yourself using only the happy moments in your life?

Kevin Powell (who people my age likely remember well from the first season of the reality show that set off the reality trend, The Real World) demonstrates this well in his poem Son2Mother. This is a short excerpt - I encourage you to read the whole poem here.

Mother, have I told you
That you are the first woman
I ever fell in love with, that what
I've always wanted in life is to hear
You say you love me, too?
That is why, ma, it has taken
Me so long to write this poem.
For how could I, a
Grown man, put words to paper
If I am that little boy
Cowering beneath the power of
That slap, the swing of that belt,
Or the slash and burn of that switch
You used to beat me into fear and submission?

Continue reading Son2Mother here.

The polite "fine" has its place at dinner parties and business meetings, but we do ourselves, and each other, a disservice when we hide behind it our whole lives.

Great question: Part 2

Hey! I was able to actually continue a series - this being a series dedicated to answering the great questions of an astute high school creative writing class. Read Part 1 here.

Q: Do you think writers are born or made? Which do you think you are?

A: I tend to think there's a blend of nature and nurture in most facets of who we are and how we live our lives - that our natural abilities can either be nurtured or discouraged - both the talent itself and our belief that we can make a living at it. I'm definitely better with the written word than math or hard sciences or even speaking (as the students I spoke with will likely attest!), and I've been lucky enough to have had a really solid education in high school and college as well as people who encouraged me (including my rocking husband who has made it financially possible).

Q: Are there any people who dislike your writing and how do you respond?

A: There are two kinds of dissenting voices (at least, when it came to responding to my former News & Record column): the rational people who just don't agree and the crazies who are clearly more invested in being ugly than in having a debate. For the first group, I reply with the most comprehensive and thoughtful argument about why I disagree as I can. I really appreciate thoughtful disagreement and work to nurture relationships with people who offer them. As for the other group, sometimes I just ignore them (if I think they're really not worth my time) and the rest of the time, I reply with the calmest, most rational response I can muster. Nothing annoys people like that more than failing to get under someone's skin.

Q: What makes writing your passion?

A: The whole thing is pretty amazing to me: that we can rearrange existing words and share a unique thought, feeling, perspective, story... Writing is an excuse to learn about anything, explore any area of life, and most of all, writing is a medium through which we can connect to one another even as the world seems to become less friendly, even as we each seem to be further retreating into our own private lives. That I could rearrange words in a way that someone else finds meaningful or thought-provoking is one of the greatest thrills I can imagine.

Q: Did anyone in particular inspire you to be a writer?

A: Not really... so many authors have inspired me, and many people have been supportive of me (I count myself very lucky in that way). Madeleine L'Engle did change how I thought about writing, though. I heard her speak when I was a kid (maybe around 10?) and she talked about getting into the story and letting it lead - sometimes, it takes you to unexpected places, but the job of the author is to record what's happening, not force things to happen...

Great question: Part 1

Last Thursday, I spent a class period with an amazing high school creative writing class. I've always stayed pretty connected with my high school self (as in, I remember all too well what that time in my life was like, not, hopefully, that I haven't evolved in the decade+ since then) and so have always had a special place in my heart, and special set of sympathies, for teenagers. Of course, I often don't get teenagers - life and the way people experience their teen years does change ever so rapidly. But the creativity, playfulness, sarcasm and angst displayed by this group felt so comfortable to me, so very familiar.

The list of questions the students put together for me is a study in thoughtful inquisition - really interesting questions that I was really excited to answer. But there were so many of them that most went unanswered in the little talk I prepared. So, in an ongoing series of posts, I intend to answer the rest. I hope my regular readers will enjoy it as much as the students who opt to stop by.

Q: Do you think that good writing has been replaced by popular fluff that appeals to the masses?

A: I think that there are lots of reasons people write and lots of reasons people read, and that sheer entertainment is a valid reason for both. My guess is that the ratio of fluffy entertainment to well-informed non-fiction and meaty, rich fiction isn't so different than it used to be... but with more and more books being published, and the democratization of writing with blogging, and with fewer people actually reading, it might be harder to wade through to more substantive writing. But there are so many amazing contemporary authors: Jhumpa Lahiri, Michael Pollan, Anosh Irani, Salman Rushdie, Marsha Mehran... on and on...

Q: How do you organize your thoughts while writing?

A: I'll let you know as soon as I figure that out... organization is an abiding preoccupation of mine - it's damn near a hobby, really. I'm forever reorganizing, rearranging. For shorter works, I tend to write in layers: first thoughts go down then I revise and rewrite in the document until I like what it says, with notes to myself piling up at the bottom. For longer works, I've been using OneNote lately, a program that works like an actual notebook with sections, pages, subpages, etc. It can collect anything - Web pages, other documents, spreadsheets, images, notes - and is easily searchable. Right now, everything goes in there... now, remembering to look back at that is an entirely different story...

Q: When you walk into a room, do you first observe the condition of the room or the people inside the room?

A: People, always people. People are more interesting to me than just about anything else... and I think it's important to meet the world head-on, looking people in the eye. I think it's a friendlier way to approach life and it shows confidence - it can even build confidence when there's not much to show.

Q: Which is more important in persuasive writing: style, content or wit?

A: I think there's probably a perfect blend of style and content out there - style to engage people, giving the writer an opportunity to be persuasive, and content so that once the reader is hooked into the piece, there's a worthwhile argument to offer. It is in making a worthwhile argument that wit, in terms of being on the ball, comes into play. Wit, in terms of humor, is a bonus, but plenty of successful writers have shown us that it's not essential to persuasion (see George Will).

More to come!